So, being that it's almost February, it must seem really outdated that this rant is about my winter vacation. Well, school started and you know how that goes. I figure a long overdue contribution is in order before things get too crazy. By the way, for those interested, Banshee Christina is not only juggling an internship but a research job with a Professor. What a smartie huh?

Can I get a gift receipt with that?

This Christmas, my sister Kat and I decided to be good people and get gifts for our cousins that catered to their personalities. Usually, all the guy cousins get the exact same sweater, but in different colors. The girls get off a little easier with jewelry or perfume. So this year we went all out, making lists and categories. We got our fabulously stylish Diesel wearing male cousin a cookbook. Not just any ordinary cookbook, but a William Sonoma one. This one was filled with great pictures and tips on how to give a great dinner party. You get the idea on the scale of gifts we went for - under 35 bucks but still personable and from the heart. So come annual Christmas Eve dinner at the aunt's house we eagerly await our presents, hmm perhaps another great gift certificate from A&F? The first blow, bebe bags and boxes. Not that there's anything wrong with hyper trendy bebe, but not exactly mine or Kat's style. We decide to wait to open our gifts at home, and it's a good thing we did. Kat opened her first bebe box. I swore I saw tears well up in her eyes. Inside was an orange tie-dyed shirt with bebe emblazoned across the chest in rhinestones. Truly a sight to behold. She leaves, I think to get some tissue to blot her eyes. At this point, I'm truly scared. I peak into my box. I see something tan. Good. I see something angora. Questionable. I rip through the tissue and it's a bucket hat. I plop it on my head and wait for Kat to return. She nearly falls over thinking thinking that J.Lo has kidnapped her sister.

I know this makes me sound like an ungrateful swine. But it just kind of stings that we went through the effort to pick gifts we thought would match our cousin's personalities. Now that I think of it, maybe that's what they did too. Sad to think their image of me is wearing a bucket hat from bebe. So, Kat and I went to bebe to return the tie-dyed shirt, the bucket hat and another zip-up sweater that she didn't like. The total store credit we got? 147 bucks. Crazy huh? The moral of this story? Save all your receipts!

This may seem cliché but don't we all have a family member that's just not quite "together"? Well, my large family does. I have second cousin who's name rhymes with Ellen. There's something about him that simultaneously irritates and creeps me out. He habitually confuses Kat and me though we look nothing alike. Talks with a lisp and I can go on but I'm already going to sh*t talkers hell as it is. I suppose he thought he'd be clever this Christmas and make homemade flavored oil for all the aunts and uncles. Yeah, real clever, he used the wrong bottles and merely taped the cork down with scotch tape. Bad sign of things to come. One bottle, by accident spills on my aunt's white carpet in her living room.

When we reach home, my father and I unload gifts and things from the car. He asks me "Where's the glass bottle?" I respond "Huh? What glass bottle?" He closes one car door, slamming into a stem of orchids which I was holding. "Oh daddy, look at the flowers." At this point he's really frustrated looking for the glass bottle. He finally emerges from the back of the car with a car mat drenched in that tasty flavored oil. He chucks the entire bottle and curses "That guy is just looking for trouble." (In reference to my creepy second cousin.) No wonder the car smelled like peppers on the way home. Wow, I'm not the only one that finds the guy annoying, my dad thinks so too. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Rather than spend New Year's counting down with Carson Daly and Dick Clark I embarked on a fun "planned" day with Banshee Christina and friends. Okay, only one friend and my sister. I'm not sure how comfortable this friend would be with mentioning his name or identity. We don't want another "Scuba Andy" incident. We all made the trek, 20 minutes by car to Disneyland. Man, what a bunch of suckers huh? It was beyond crowded, so full of people we had to park at the Anaheim Convention Center Parking lot across the street. Never have I seen Disneyland so crowded. I think we went on a total of three rides in the 10 hours we were there. Luckily, we got to ride "The Jungle Cruise" which is my fave ride. We also paid eight dollars and up for a bowl of clam chowder in a bread bowl. We also got dessert which consisted of decorations from the Jack Skellington themed Haunted House ride. Kat got this cheesecake with a Rice Krispy spider on top. Precious huh? Except the rice spider was dyed in black food coloring and turned any part of your skin or clothes the same color. Good times.

The ultimate end all of the whole day occurred in the last two hours we there. We decided to kill some time and ride "It's a Small World" since they decorate it all different for Christmas. Supposedly, there was to be something "special" going on in that area of Fantasyland. Yeah... real special, we should have known better when we heard MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This" coming from that direction. To the right of "It's a Small World" was this stage set up with a white "DJ" and Chip and Dale. They were all dancing, trying to excite the crowd. I really hope they got paid overtime. We waited 2 plus hours in line to ride that ride. All this time they played horrible, horrible music. Ricky Martin "La Vida Loca," "We are Family" (Chip and Dale pointed at each other, aww cute, let's not do it for every chorus please.) and other songs that belong in their own decades. KIIS FM doesn't even play those songs anymore. Oh, Disney, why oh why?

Just when we didn't think we could take anymore of a DJ trying to "get down" we see this family of tourists ahead of us in line. The family consisted of a mom, dad, 3 daughters and a son. Now this son, was not a little boy, he had to be at least 11 or 12. He proceeded to pick his nose. Not merely a scratch but full on digging. Okay, fine whatever he's picking his nose. No, he then starts to suck on finger, licking and chewing whatever he found in his nose. Gawd, I can't even type this, it's too grotesque. This continues for a full on 10 minutes.

So after the ride, we decide to embark on finding a spot for the countdown. Bad idea. The castle was filled with people. Total pushing and shoving. I was shoved under a guy's armpit for a good 10 feet. So we ended up counting down at the Carnation Dance Gazebo or whatever it's really called. We watched a cute guy in a red shirt dance and then hug his girlfriend. Then it was over. All that shoving and pushing to countdown some numbers. I guess Carson Daly and Dick Clark don't sound too bad next year.

I can't end a "winter break" summary without mentioning the strange finding of a sign across my street. Under a stop sign I discovered a wood block with the words painted in "It Don't Mean It." This sign which Kat thought was in blood stayed under the stop sign for a good 3 weeks. It very obviously paint. The words would also be inserted into many conversations that just cracked me up.