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[ rants - keanu reeves ]
| Keanu Reeves | ||
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| The man. The acting. The legend. | ||
| A little background on the inspiration to this rant: There is nothing on weekdays at 6:30. Granted, "King of the Hill" and "Just Shoot Me" is on, but I don't watch second-rate comedy. Just kidding - please, I was once so desperate to watch tv rather than go out and explore the world that I sat through "Holiday in the Sun"... and enjoyed it (with this admission, I will be turning in my resignation as I'm sure I'll be disowned, or should be). Anyways, so I'm checking the tv guide (the unofficial banshee bible) and looking down the unfortunate 6:30 time slot when I discover "Speed" on The American Movie Channel. The American Movie Channel? Shouldn't this station only play classic movies like westerns or Jimmy Stewart or something? So I turn to it, half expecting it to be some Rat Pack movie with the same name as the Keanu Reeves classic, but it's actually Dennis Hopper onscreen. Score! | ||
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| I admit it. Although I've made thousands of jokes about him, and I can't mention bad acting without using his name, I used to have a big-time crush on Keanu Reeves. I'm not talking about Keanu hairless with tubes sticking out ("Matrix") or long haired and grungy (Dogstar lead singer) or . I'm talking about Keanu in "Speed." No one can deny the level of hotness Keanu achieved in the movie "Speed." |  #1 Reason I'm glad grunge rock went out... | |
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 One of Keanu's best scenes. What? But he has no lines you say? Exactly. |
So I'm sure everyone has seen "Speed" before, but just to refresh your memory, "Speed" is your basic mid-90's action flick starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock with really bad bangs. This movie was chock full of explosions and cheesy lines like "I'm going to jump the tracks," and "There's a bomb on the bus" (and it'll detonate - whoops I don't think "detonate" is in Keanu's dictionary - it'll blow up if the bus goes faster than 55 mph. So not only an action movie, but a fantasy as well seeing as how the movie is set in California and even the rollerbladers here go faster than 55 mph). It is because of this movie that Keanu Reeves became an "It Boy" and shrine-worthy. | |
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| Flashback to 1994: Keanu looked hot in this movie. Apparently a layer of grime on a good-looking face will do wonders. Maybe because it was an action movie, or maybe because he looked so damn fine in this movie, but it suited him. This kind of movie just made him look good, in more ways than one. Keanu was the perfect Jack Traven and I wanted to be Sandra Bullock on the makeshift sled of a bus panel and handcuffed to a subway pole if it meant that Keanu would be right there with me. |
 *sigh* Oh to be Sandra, floral print babydoll dress and all... | |
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 Gawd, I cannot begin to count the ways that a sidepart 'do DOESN'T work for him |
Forget the music video "Rush, Rush" and "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" ... Keanu was at his prime during "Speed." If Keanu wasn't hot in '94, I never ever would have watched "A Walk in the Clouds" the next year - in the theater mind you (this was pre-"never leave your chair because you can download everything off the net" days). I wasted both my time and money (although ticket prices weren't insanely expensive back then.. but I digress) on that movie, because I was hoping Keanu's hotness would drown out his monotonous voice and heinous daytime drama acting. No such luck. I'm still bitter and waiting for my $3.25 refund... anyone know who I write to? This pretty much ended my Keanu crush, and soon after I was doodling "Christina London" and "Christina Fox" on my notebook instead of "Christina Reeves". | |
| Keanu Through Time | |||||||
1989 |
1993 |
1994 |
1995 |
1999 |
2000 |
2000 |
2001 |
| Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure | Little Buddha | Speed | A Walk in the Clouds | The Matrix | The Replacements | The Gift | Sweet November |
 Undoubtably, Keanu at his prime |
Though Keanu made a semi-comeback with the hit "The Matrix," it will be impossible for him to ever relive the kind of glory of his "Speed" days. If anything, Keanu's success was his downfall, as he opened the door for swarms of mediocre actors better fit as models, such as the likes of Chris Klein and Paul Walker, who rival Keanu in acting skills (or lack thereof) but surpass him in the looks department. Fear not Keanu, we shall never forget how hot you looked in a buzzcut and dirty undershirt, and you will live on forever as the founder of the "Keanu Reeves School of Acting." |
written by christina
