[ rants - 09.09.02 ]
|This week's question: Was the skanky Asian girl wearing a thong on "DisMissed" today being sarcastic when she said "I think I'll
probably be dismissed today, because the other girl is a virgin and guys like that sweet innocent kind" or was she really that stupid?|
Answer: Who cares? I'd rather forget I saw that episode... All that salt and milk and what the hell... I'm going to have nightmares tonight.
|This week's guilty pleasure: The commercials for "Sorority Life" on MTV. Ingenious. They have photos of the pledges' faces cut out and pasted
onto Barbie dolls. Love Jordan's frizzed-out hair and Dede's man voice. Even better is that the dolls act out scenes from the season, including
bitch slaps and kissing drunks. Favorite "Sororite Life" commercial: Hi, my name is Dede. I decided to pledge so I'd get some driving practice. I have
to pick up my pledge sisters when the bars close."|
|This week's pet peeve: My missing "Entertainment Weekly". I hear James Gandolfini is on the cover.
I wouldn't know. Not that I'm bitter. My EW usually comes on Friday. If it's not here on Saturday I'm
already disgruntled. It hasn't made an appearance all week. Sometimes I find my magazines (delia*s catalog included)
in the downstairs bathroom. Even that's better than a total MIA. It's already made me miss Michael Vartan on
"The View" and Boxcar Racer on "Leno." *sigh*|
|This week's revelation: Inside Grace's Brain
|This week's eye candy alert: Jesse Bradford. You know him as the air guitarist Kirsten Dunst crushes on in "Bring it On"
and the guy in that movie no body saw "Clockstoppers." Now he's an Olympic hopeful and all-around stud with obsessive stalker in "Swim Fan."
There's one word to explain why he's my pick of the week... Speedos. |
|This week's song: "The Penis Song". This is an actual song performed in the movie "The Sweetest Thing" with Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and
Selma Blair-with-the-weird-hair (don't I feel clever). My sister and I accidently (I swear) bought the unrated version of the movie. The "extra footage never before seen in
theaters" isn't part of the special features as deleted scenes, but put right into the movie. So the trio is in Chinatown when they break out into song about.. you guessed it, the
aforementioned male appendage. Throw in some Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy" music, lyrics like "You're too big to fit in here, too big to fit in here, too big to fit in here", and a lot of
Ryan Starr/Christina Aguilera/Britney-esque gyrations and you've got "The Penis Song." Fun for all, especially when your "I'll slap you silly in the non-child abuse kind of way if you dare mention
the words condom or sex in front of me" mother is sitting in the next room and the song lasts an eternity (five minutes in real time). |
written by christina
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